The loosing game
by laliloo111
Summary: Sometimes love is a loosing game - This is a very dark fic about Severus and Harry - Mpreg- Dark!Harry-
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer** : I don't own Harry Potter. And I apologize for my story to JKR !

 **Cautious:**

I'm not an English speaker so this text need to be corrected! And if you read this text you will undertand that I need a beta ! So if this text interested you please help me! Tanks you!

PS: This is a modification of an old story.

000

I look at the ceiling. Up and down, again and again. A whimper escape from my throat. He just moaned and thrust faster. I feel my lower back tears up. Crap its hurts. I bit my lower-lip and closed my eyes. They are wet. Stupid body. I start thinking about brewing. Not the wolfban'one, too easy. I need to find something more difficult. Something which keep me from being here, with him. The lovemaker. There is a good one. Ironic but good. I never actually brew this. It is for people who have love in their lives. Not for me. He catch my tights and spread them wider. For a second, he slow down and I closed my eye tighter. A line appears between my eyebrow and my whole body tensed. That's just made the thing more painful but I can't help with it.

\- Relax Snape.

His voice is husky. It scratch my spine. I made a conscientious effort for opening my ass for him. I took some calming breath and tried to remember how many turn are needed for the lovemaker potion. Three? More? Five, it's five. He put his hands on my hips, squeezing my bruises and brutally rap my body against his. I need to grab the table. Each movement made him moaned. I heard the blood running from my arse splashing on the floor. I'll clean after. Eventually, he climax and collapse on me. I can't breathe but I don't move. My fingers curls in fist and I keep them on the table. I just want him to go. Let me clean the kitchen, and cure myself. Let me time to recover.

\- Harry…

My own voice are frail. I hate this. I hate what he have done to me. He gets up on his elbow.

\- It was good. Wasn't it?

He pet me. I try to look away but he take my chin between his fingers and kiss me. I open my jaw and let his tongue dig into my throat. He love that. After hurting me, he loves playing this weird game. The love game.

\- We need prepare Harry.

Now he smiles. Oh God his smiles are so beautiful, like the sun. Warm, light, comforting. I close my eyes quickly. It's the worst part of the game. He made me some butterfly kisses and put one hand on my swollen belly. His waves are cautious, almost tender. I need to remember that's just a game. Then he goes. I throw a healing spell for stopping the bleeding. The pain is still here but the flow on my leg had stop. I clean the floor. The blood need to be remove before it's gets dry. When the taint is gone I go to the bathroom. I use a raw soap and rub my corpse. I stem when the water in the bathtub turn pink. They are some little wounds inside my tight. I sink my head under the water and wait until my sob quit.

Later I go the master bedroom. It is not really my bedroom. I'm not allowed to sleep there. I sleep in the kitchen but the cupboard is in the bedroom. I doesn't have choice. I need to dress up. When I come in, I saw him on the bed, he wore a white shirt and a brown trouser. His robe lay next to him on the mattress, brown with some subtle golden embroidery. I open the wardrobe and put my hand on a classic black robe

\- No.

\- His voice is harsh. I slid my hand on another robe, a green one.

\- Can you please try not to put more shame on me?

I pinch my lips. I don't have many robes and he had choose all of them. I take the blue robe. It is the first he had bought for me. Simple but nice.

\- What did I expect? Whatever you put on your horrid body you still be ugly. Isn't you?

\- I don't know why but I put my hand on my belly. I'm six month pregnant, I can't hide this with my hands.

\- It was a question Snape.

\- Yes.

I doesn't need to think about it. I'm ugly, I know.

\- Yes what?

\- Yes Harry I'll still be ugly.

I look at him. His sight is cold but I can see the sad light in those green eyes. He is miserable, like me. I lower my head when I heard a cry, a baby cry. It is James. I want to run by him but he grab my arm. Don't know how he manage to be next to me so fast.

\- Ask me.

I turn myself in front of him.

\- Please Harry let me go.

\- No

James is still crying. I go on my knees and plea.

\- Please Harry please, let me see him.

He look at me with disgust. Then he clutch my hair and force me to lift up.

\- I'll go.

\- Please, let me take care of this. I promise, Harry I will calm him. Please…

He strangle me with one hand. I can't talk anymore so I stop babbling. When I'm still, he mutter on my ear.

\- Calm dawn Severus I'll not hurting him.

He said so the last time. I start shaking. One moment later, the cry stop. I listen carefully but I can't heard a noise. The house is peaceful. My heart pounds hard. Then a scream. A very shrill one and I run to the nursery.

James is laughing. One of his tiny hand on his father nose and the other in his mouth. He's happy and when he see me he start clapping his hand.

\- Paaa…

\- Oh yes James, Papa is here! Say it: paaapaa, said Harry.

\- Paaa…

They have the same smile.

\- Papa is worried about you. You want to kiss him?

He approach the baby who tend his arm toward me. I kiss him but don't take him. James made some whimper to point his disagreement.

\- Paaa.

\- You want to be with your papa, don't you?

\- His tone is flat but he clench is jaw. The baby start crying again and he gave him to me without a sight. The baby stop at the minute I touch him and he slam the door.

000

\- It was an accident, said Harry.

Severus don't look at Harry. He just walk to the burrows

\- One year's babies doesn't broke their legs themselves, he reply.

\- It was an accident Severus. I will never hurt someone on purpose.

The statement was funny. He had several wounds and bruises which prove this false. But for Harry, he was not someone, he was less than a thing.

\- You already did.

Harry grab his wrist and turn it in a strange angle. Severus had to breathe his pain before talking.

\- Harry stop, someone could see us.

\- And what?

He was searching for an appropriate answer when a man show up next to them.

\- Harry, Severus. Is everything okay?

He released his hand.

\- Yes mate!

Harry had a quick reply but Ron keep looking after Severus. Snape pull his sleeve on his swollen wrist with his other hand.

\- Severus you're okay?

\- I'm fine.

Ron just shook his head.

\- Poppy want to see you. I think it's about the potions she need.

\- I can't brew when I'm pregnant.

\- And now you pregnant all the time, aren't you?

\- Ron, said Harry.

It was a warming. Some subjects was forbidden. The fact that he had been through four pregnancy the last two year was one of them. For pregnancy but two miscarriage. Severus look at his husband. Harry nod and he go.

\- Where is James? Ask Ron.

\- Whiny take care of him.

\- You elf-house? You left him with your elf-house instead of his family!

\- I can't bring him here.

\- Oh my god Harry! It's killing Molly, you know that!

\- I can't let him see me the way that all of you saw me.

\- You are so crazy!

\- Stop it Ron or I'll take my husband and we'll go away.

Ron looked puzzled.

\- Harry I can't understand why you keep doing this kind of thing.

\- However it's obvious.

\- What is obvious is that he is nothing but a dedicated husband and father.

\- I know that! Since he got pregnant he became the victim and me the tormentor.

\- He didn't made this on purpose! Yelled Ron.

\- He could have an abortion.

\- Harry listen to you! You're talking about your own son!

\- Don't mix thing. I love James but I would have prefer if he have been Ginny's child.

\- He's Snape's child! He had his eyes, his hair and even his pale skin.

\- He ruined my life.

Ron grip his shoulder and shake him.

\- Harry you have a beautiful boy, another child on the way and a husband who loves you even if he had no reason to! Your life is not ruined!

\- I hate him Ron. He forced me to break my engagement with the women I love and marry him.

\- Harry It was not his fault. It's a law. A stupid one but a law.

\- I beg him to have an abortion and he said no.

This time Ron took his head in his hand and look at him in the eyes.

\- Harry please listen to me very carefully. YOU had sex with a man while you were engaged to my sister. YOU have decided to seduce him because you find out that he was a virgin. And YOU have got him pregnant. If someone had ruined your life it's not him. YOU have done this to yourself!

Harry step back.

\- Ron I just wanted to try everything before I get wed

\- I'm married and I never wanted to have sex with a man.

Harry fold his arms on his chest.

\- Okay, maybe your wright. Maybe I'm gay.

\- Maybe?

\- But… not with him. HE was an accident.

\- Perhaps you're right, Harry. We will see.

\- See what?

\- His friend had a strange sight. Sad and guilt. Harry run to the burrows. He had a horrible premonitions.

Without using his wand he blow up the front door and rush inside the kitchen. Nothing. Nobody. He try the living room then the first floor but the entire house was empty. He was gone. He feel his heart broking and that took his breath away. He forced himself to take a deep breath in order to stop the sob. Then quietly he goes down the stairs. Ron was in the living room.

\- I'm so sorry Harry

\- James?

\- Whiny had bringing him here immediately after you left the house.

\- I understand now why the elves-house needs to be slaves.

\- You don't get the point Harry, do you?

\- That my best friend and those who I used to call my family just betrayed me.

\- No that we just save your family, Harry.

\- For how long he had plan that.

\- Mione try to convince him since he had his first miscarriage.

\- It was an accident.

Ron lain against the wall.

\- His pelvis was broken and his sex was so damaged than Poppy think he could never have an erection again.

\- Don't worry, he still can.

\- Do you know what he told us?

\- That I hit him?

\- That he had fall down the stairs. Harry he had not planned this. It's Hermione and I. The others just help us.

\- So you taking him without his consent?

\- You have harm your own child! What do you think he would do?

Harry let his body fall in the armchair and can't help but screaming.

\- It was an accident!

He hide his face in his large hands and start crying.

\- It was an accident. I will never hurt James on purpose, he repeated.

\- An accident like those his father keep having?

Harry bring his hand to his mouth and deaden his scream.

\- Ron you have to believe me on this, it was an accident.

His voice sound desperate. Ron put one hand on his back, then carefully he wrapped his both arms around him.

\- I believe you Harry.

\- Do you?

\- Yah I do.

\- But still you stole my family.

\- I'm sorry. It's safer like this.

\- It's a girl.

\- I know

\- Will I see her? Will I see my daughter?

\- I'm sorry Harry.

He push his friend then disparate. Ron look at the empty chair and cry.

000

Please tell me if you can undertsand this text... It is my first story in english. I don't know I have try this because I'm not even good in english! If it isn't good enough I just translate it in french. Thanks you.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi! I almost forgot about this story but when I saw patipa 70 review I just had some idea to put on the paper! (Thank you! ;)

Hermione gave him a sorrowful look. He was completely worn out. They had used multiple porkey and they were standing for almost three hours. His back arches and he began feeling some tensing in his belly. She took James in her arms. "We can't stop now" she said. He felt so nude. "We have to meet some friends of mine. They will help you. But we can't stop. We are still too close of England. If he'll try he'll might sense you." Severus close his eyelid. He felt nothing but he can't use his magic anymore. It was probably the first thing that Harry will trace if he try to find him. He looked at James who was sleeping. Maybe he will look after James? He managed a small grin. "I'm fine, Miss Granger".

Eventually they met other people, two women who works for a muggle association called "Never Ever". One of them was a squib so she wasn't surprised to see a pregnant man. She offered him a glass of milk and let him rest in a grubby sofa. The other just seem to be jaded. She was scarced, a fine line going from her left eye to her mouth. It could have been ugly but strangely she was beautiful. They didn't do small talk. As soon as he seemed able to focus, the muggle woman gave him some advices. The safe-code.

"Don't use your real name.

Never told your story.

Avoid the neighbours.

Never trust anybody.

Unfortunately, it's not a game Mr Smith, from now you are a fugitive. Are you okay with this? "

"Does I have a choice?" He replied.

"You can go back to your husband and beg him for his forgiveness. Maybe this time it would work." She was harsh.

Severus does not replied. Go back to Harry?

"You have to be sure of what you want. I will not waste my time for you if you still have doubts."

Hermione moved forward and tried to speak but the squib women hush her up. The motion wakes up James and he start crying. Before Severus had a chance to hold him the muggle grab the baby. James's sight light up. He was laughing, trying to touch her scar. The woman loose herself a bit.

"You have a pretty baby. How old is he? She ask him genuinely.

"Fourteen month." He cannot help worried.

"Long time ago, I had a baby too". She started.

Snape stop breathing.

"And sadly for him, I also had a lot of doubts. Should I go? Does I deserve this? Should I stay? I just couldn't make my mind. I was still hoping that someway everything will become better. And I forgot that the darkness always summon more darkness. Do you know what happened, Mr Smith?"

He shake his head.

"My husband choke him under a pillow. He said it was my fault… a punishment. And he was so right! Because I knew what he was and I let that happen."

Snape closed his eyes. He knew Harry. He was a brave, strong young man. A greatly powerful wizard. A benignant friend. And a frightening, vicious husband. How could all this adjective describe the same man? He didn't knew.

"I have made my mind. I'll protect my children and I'll do everything it takes." His own voice was weird, set and sad.

The women squeezed his knee.

"So we had a lot of work to do. My friends told me that your husband is a really big fish in your world."

A big fish…

"And… what if he'll found me?" He was surprise to recognize his voice.

"Sometime all we can do his trying."

After that they stopped talking. They lead them to a house in a muggle suburban. Severus can't help but notice that it was smaller than spinner's end. Hermione seems to read in his mind. "It'll be fine Severus. You will be safe here". She set some wards before leaving.

"I cannot come until at least three or four weeks. He'll put us on surveillance." She warned him, standing next to the door.

"I understand, Miss Granger. The fridge is full and I had the emergency porkey. We will be okay. No need to worry"

She smiled at him. "It's so sad. You know that he love you? Don't you?

He didn't replied. Did harry loved him?

Then he was alone. He lengthened James in the sofa and sat next to his little boy. He was lost. Some part of him wanted to cry while the other was relieved. No need to hide the pain, no need to repress his tears. He took his head in his hand and breathed deeply. It was not freedom, he was running away from his own life. James open his eyes and yawn. Severus took him to the bedroom and put him in the cradle. The room was small, a cupboard, a single bed and the cradle. Nothing else. When Severus heard the tiny snoring he goes the kitchen. He open the drawer and eat some tinned peas.

He hoped that Harry will live the life he always wanted. The life he had stolen from him. He could go after Ginnerva. The last time he had heard about her she was still single. Perhaps being seeker in the Harpies doesn't let her enough time for that. Harry could go after Draco. It will be a nice match. Of course he had to admit first that he prefer men but it will be a fine couple. Maybe Draco is already in his house, comforting his husband. The baby kick his ribcage, he paced her with soft strokes.

Maybe he should have done the abortion. Now he can understand that he have make the wrong decision. Again. Yet, he was so sure of it. Before Harry he had never dreamed about being loved. It was Harry who had put this thing in his head. He had talked to him kindly, touched him in places where nobodies have and Severus had loosed his mind. He can't play games and he had forewarned him but Harry hadn't listening. His first time was magic, the best memories he have. Harry have bring him in a charming old castle in France, dark and cold. He had kiss him, told him some stupid lies that he was not so awful. He had waited until Severus felt safe enough to undress and he even manage to not look disgusting. Of course he wasn't stupid he knows deep down that it was unreal but he was already forty and it was probably the only time that someone will be willing to touch him. After this weekend he had read in the Prophet that Harry had proposed to Ginerva. He didn't try to talk to him and didn't had any news by him. The dream was over. It took him four month before he understood that he was pregnant. And this stupid dream came back. He could have a baby. Someone to love and to be love back. Severus knew about the protective law of male pregnancy. They have to be bound, it was an obligation but the law didn't force them to live together. Harry could still do whatever he wan and Severus wanted nothing else than to have this child. He would raise him alone and never bother Harry. He had tried to explain that to Harry but the young man was so angry. Harry keeps telling that he wants to ruin his life, to get revenge. He keeps asking him to have an abortion. Maybe he should have done it. But at this time, it seemed harmless. For once something good had happened to him and he didn't want to let it go. Ginie had left Potter, it turned out that they were already a couple when Harry got Severus fat. Then everybody started to criticize the boy who lived. He became the man who abandoned his heir. The Prophet did a special edition about him, full of pictures of a six month pregnant potions maters. Two weeks later they published the pictures of the weeding. Harry was right, he did it. He had ruined his life. His weeding night was a nightmare and Harry had make some jokes about making his sex education. Severus knew that it was his fault, he had turned the saviour into someone sad and dark so he decided to cope with this new Harry. He had done it until the day he saw him looking coldly to his one year injured son. He will never know what happen before he came in the room but when he came in he saw his sight and knew he had to protect his child.

There it was. He had leaved his beautiful young husband and now he cannot help but thinking about what Harry have told him on their wedding when he was laying in his blood. "This is your top Snape, you will never have better". He was so right.


End file.
